Ask Trixie
In her infinite wisdom, the editrix of this rag has asked me to answer questions from all you poor lovelorn pukes out there, and/or try to help you come to grips with whatever your little neurosis is. Tinseltown Trixie wants you to understand that she is not Punk or Pop, although she can be very trashy at times. So pick up your pens or boot up your computer and send your snivelings to me, care of 100 Punks! Magazine.
Dear Trixie,
I am drummer in a rock band, and I have a real tough situation that only you can help me with. In November of last year we replaced our singer with this new girl from Van Nuys. She is really beautiful. Even better, sheís also very sweet and doesnít have an attitude. Not three weeks after joining the band, she started dating the guitar player but they broke up a couple of weeks ago. It obviously wasnít a nasty split-up with serious bad feelings, because she didnít quit the group or anything.

The thing is, she started coming on to me last week, and I have to tell you, I am sorely tempted to take her up on it. I mean, this girl could be a fashion model or something. But Iím afraid if I start going with her it will make our guitarist jealous. Heís been my buddy for three years, and I donít want to chance wrecking our friendship. And what if this girl turns out to be some kind of tramp? Help me, Trixie!

- Burbank Billy

Dear Billy,
Ms. Trixie has to set you straight on something before she shoulders the unenviable task of dealing with your dilemma. Why is it that when a guy plays hide the salami with anything in a dress, heís a stud, but when a woman is sexually active, sheís a tramp? Answer me that to my satisfaction, and Iíll let you lick my boots for free. But I digress.

Let me tell you something: relationships and work mix well only rarely. It doesnít matter if the job is a band or whatever. Unless youíve got something really strong going on with that special somebody, the time will come when youíll want to shove them headfirst into a foodprocessor. The fight could be at a rehearsal (if youíre lucky) or at a gig in front of an indeterminate number of strangers. (Of course, you might be able to sell it as part of the act, but it still wonít be fun to live through.)

Then thereís your buddy. Friends, good friends, are harder to come by than parking places in West Hollywood on Saturday night. If you want to stay buddies, steer clear of this woman like sheís Chernobyl. You donít need it and your band certainly doesnít. My advice would be to quietly tell her that youíre as flattered as if youíd been nominated for a Grammy, but No Thanks.

But ... I might be completely wrong and she could be your total soulmate sent to you from heaven above. Youíll have to be the judge of that, and you wonít find that out overnight. Is she worth the risk of maybe losing the band and/or your friend? Only you can answer that. If youíre really interested, talk with her and tell her whatís on your mind. That would be a good start.

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